Humble for What? Why I Don't Believe In Humility
“Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
I haven’t opened a Bible in many years, but that scripture is one that is stamped on my heart. I grew up in a Caribbean Christian household where it was drummed into me to be humble. I was raised to excel quietly; taught that mediocrity is unacceptable but being immodest about my brilliance is equally offensive.
In simple terms, be great, but don’t make too much noise about it.
I can acknowledge why my elders instilled that lesson. Arrogance is dangerous. It makes you audacious when you should be cautious. It blinds you to your weakness and stunts your growth. It deafens you to the wisdom and direction of others who know better than you do.
But while I recognize (and appreciate) my elders’ intentions, I disagree with the idea that humility is the truest expression of good character. In fact, I refuse to be humble. Let me explain…
Humility asks you to play small
This world loves to humble people. Especially Black women. When we are too vocal about our wins, proud of our accomplishments, or comfortable in our skin, someone often pipes up to tell us to calm down. We’re reminded to be humble.
But what does that really mean? There are a few definitions of the word “humble”:
not proud or not believing that you are important
ordinary; not special or very important
having a low estimate of one’s own importance
These are not labels I’m willing to wear. I do not consider myself ordinary or unimportant. I don’t think any of us should. Elders and their good intentions aside, I think we should be wary of any person or entity that is too eager to see us humbled.
Because it begs the question: who benefits from us holding ourselves in low esteem? It’s the companies that want to leverage our insecurities to market us products. The suitors who know that if our pride is lowered, then so is the bar for access to us. The fake friends who don’t want to manage their discomfort with our confidence. The employers who know you can only ask to be paid your worth if you know and believe it.
I’m not suggesting that we be arrogant. Our elders got that right. But we absolutely should know, celebrate, and stand confidently in who we are. Which leads me to my second point…
Acknowledging your brilliance isn’t arrogance
Since we’re already perusing the dictionary, let’s look at the meaning of arrogance: “having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities.” Arrogance, by definition, is rooted in dishonesty and delusion about who and what you are. It’s built on lies.
I recently had a friend ask me what the key to my confidence was. I said, “I know who I am.” He followed that up by asking how I keep from letting my self-assuredness go to my head. My answer was the same. I am sure of myself because I know all the ways I am great, but I am not arrogant because I am equally aware of the ways I need to heal and grow.
The antidote to arrogance isn’t humility. It’s understanding who you are in your entirety—the good, the bad, and everything in between. It’s being able to celebrate all your best qualities while working through the less favourable traits in your character. You don’t have to believe you’re small and unimportant to avoid the pitfalls of arrogance. You just need to be self-aware.
To celebrate yourself is to claim your power
I wasn’t always confident. In fact, I used to be deeply insecure and afraid to shine. It left me feeling desperate for other people’s approval and validation. It made me vulnerable to unhealthy connections and situations because I wasn’t certain about my worth. And while there were many good people who saw and celebrated me even before I understood my own light, there were others who took advantage of the fact that I didn’t know myself and my value.
Unlearning the idea that I needed to excel quietly has allowed me to reclaim so much of my power. I have become my own biggest fan. I look in the mirror, and I see a masterpiece. I read my words, and I recognize their impact. I walk into every room with the certainty that I belong. I believe in my talents, relish my personality and sense of humour, and trust in my ability to conquer every challenge I face.
Yes, I’m still working through my character flaws and insecurities, but I am no longer too insecure to shine or too humble to speak up. This confidence has allowed me to recognize when I am being undervalued, to resist when I am being belittled, and to remain unfazed by the insults, criticism, and mistreatment of people who want to make me feel small. When you know exactly how powerful you are, no one can sell you short.
Look, I am self-reflective and honest enough to admit that I am not the best in the world at everything. But I do know all the ways that I’m great. And I don’t believe that I need to underestimate or minimize any of that to be a good person. I’m choosing to excel out loud, and I encourage you to do the same.
Do you believe in being humble? Sound off in the comments
