This Ain't Champagne Papi's Friendship Advice
When we’re kids, we have this idealistic view of friendship. You know, the whole “friends forever!” thing. But the older I’ve gotten, the more I realized that “friend” isn’t a title I can throw around casually because of what friendship means for me. When I’m your friend, you get the VIP gold access Talia package—all of me—and not everyone deserves that. Which means friendship break ups are very real and very necessary. Some people are meant to serve their purpose and pass on through. Knowing when to let people go is absolutely key. My girl Toni and I recently did a YouTube video on her channel dishing on the signs it’s time to crop your circle. We identified five red flags you need to watch out for:
To sum up:
1. They’re an energy vampire
Their number pops up in your phone and you roll your eyes before you answer because it’s always complaints and misery.
2. They don’t feel like a good fit anymore
They’re the one you were super besties with in high school. Now you hardly talk, and when you do, it’s…awkward.
3. All they do is take, take, take
Similar to the energy vampire, except this person takes your time, your money, and whatever else you have to give and they give back diddly squat.
4. When you win, they don’t clap
No matter how well you do, they don’t ever applaud your success. It’s all doubt and criticism with this one.
5. Their morals make you uncomfortable
They get up to some activities that you don’t necessarily want to be associated with, and you know what they say about birds of a feather…
Suck as it might, sometimes, you’ve just got to let people go. Their time in your life is over, their purpose is served. Holding on is just prolonging the inevitable. Do like that overplayed song from that overplayed Disney movie and let it go. But who gets to stick around? There’s obviously no magic formula but I’ve found my life feels more balanced with these particular positions filled (even if one person holds more than one).
- The friend who knows you inside out
This is the friend that understands you. A platonic soulmate. They intuitively know when you need a pick me up or a kick in the ass. You hardly have to explain yourself. Long absences and great distances are never an issue; you just pick up where you left off. Your relationship is a no judgment zone, so you can bare all your ugliest secrets, deepest insecurities, and most embarrassing moments. They’ve seen you at your best and your worst and they love you either way.
- The friend who is a natural giver
I did a YouTube video with my friend Mandy—I’ve been doing an awful lot of Youtube videos; time for a channel?—and we discussed the importance of having giving people in your life, especially if you are a giver yourself. It’s important to have the people who give of their time and give their support when you need it. They’re the person you can call at 3am and they’ll show up. No one is an island, so make sure you have someone who’ll always have your back.
- The friend who won’t pull punches
This friend is going to tell you what you need to hear even if it isn’t what you want to hear. They’re not afraid to point out your bad decisions. They’ll call you on your bullshit. Want to know if your outfit is popping or your new business idea is actually interesting? Ask them. This is the friend whose pep talks are punctuated by tough love. Sometimes you’ll be salty because they served you the real—straight, no chaser—but you’ll be grateful for all the times they saved you from being the fool.
- The friend who is living your dream
It’s great to have friends who are grinding their way to success alongside you, but it’s key to have a friend who is already at the top. Chances are, this person will be a little bit older than you, which is a good thing, because with age comes wisdom, and wisdom is never a bad thing. This is the friend whose advice you take and whose mistakes you learn from. They’ll also be an excellent reminder of what you’re working for.
- The friend who’s totally different from you
Yeah, yeah, I know, birds of a feather flock together, but you should definitely have at least one friend who is nothing like you. Friends who have different backgrounds, passions and interests bring fresh perspective into your life. They’ll expose you to new experiences and challenge your beliefs.
Remember, you’re as good as the company you keep, so crop out those people who aren’t adding to your life and surround yourself with people who make you better. Even if that means letting old friends go, or letting new friends in (because Drake was right about fake friends but wrong about new ones).
Let me know your friendship red flags and must haves in the comments.